"So, Are You Nervous?"

“So, Are you Nervous?”

I seem to be getting this question quite a bit lately, and to be truthful, no, at least not in the way everyone seems to be meaning it. Everyone asks it like I’m terrified or like I should be worried that something will happen to me. I’ve never once been worried about my well-being, maybe even when I should have i.e. NY and Rome. I can’t even think about being worried because everything has happened in such a way that I would be a fool not to go. It feels as if this is a gift and who am I not to accept it.

Here is a just as short list of my mini fortunes I’ve been given:
1. The international student fees were reduced over $3000.
2. I easily found a room available online only 5 blocks from my school.
3. This room is also less than $300 a month, everything included except electricity! (My landlord warned me that electricity is really expensive in New Zealand and is generally $10 a month!!! I’m not sure he knows what expensive electricity bills are.)
4. My landlord is a former student of my program who also recently named his son William. (not after me, I promise) He’s also been very helpful in making the logistics much easier.

I will say that I’ve began to get nervous in the area of “Will I have everything that I need?’ I know upfront this is an irrational question because it isn’t as if New Zealand is a third world country. I will be able to buy everything I need but I guess I just have too much of my mother’s pack rat tendencies. These tendencies, mind you, gave me such resources to be voted Most Spirited all four years in high school because of my Spirit Week costumes. Anyway, I just tell myself that I’ll have to be more creative with what I have, but this whole feeling has had me thinking (and yes I feel like Carrie Bradshaw typing this question in my laptop) “When we leave our comfort zones is it really only resources that we miss?” I say resources loosely, meaning everything from my mother’s hoard of Seventies clothing to friendships that provide me with sounding boards to talk to and shoulders to cry on. It really boils down to me missing having someone to help me solve a dilemma or knowing the area well enough that I can make it happen on my own. These resources will come in time in Christchurch as well, but I really think that’s why it’s so hard for me to pack and to say goodbye. I just want all of my resources to be with me.

My mantra will continue to be from my favorite book of all time, The Alchemist. “Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams.”